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function text() {
};

text = new text();
number = 0;

// textArray
text[number++] = "What does it mean when a drummer is drooling out both sides of his mouth?<br>The stage is level."
text[number++] = "How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?<br>Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better."
text[number++] = "How do you get a guitar player to play softer?<br>Give him some sheet music."
text[number++] = "What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common?<br>Both suck when you plug them in."
text[number++] = "How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?<br>None-they just steal somebody else's light."
text[number++] = "What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?<br>Counterpoint."
text[number++] = "Did you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed? "
text[number++] = "If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story building, which one lands first?<br>Who cares? "
text[number++] = "What's the difference between a violin and a viola?<br>There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger. "
text[number++] = "String players motto: It's better to be sharp than out of tune."
text[number++] = "Why are viola jokes so short?<br>So violinists can understand them."
text[number++] = "Why don't viola players suffer from hæmorrhoids?<br>Because all the arseholes are in the first violin section."
text[number++] = "How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo? Write \"pp, espressivo\""
text[number++] = "Did you hear about the bassist who was so out of tune his section noticed?"
text[number++] = "How many string bass players does it take to change a light bulb?<br>None - the piano player can do that with his left hand."
text[number++] = "How do you make a double bass sound in tune?<br>Chop it up and make it into a xylophone."
text[number++] = "How many Sound Guys does it take to change a lightbulb?<br>One...Two...One...Two"
text[number++] = "Why are harps like elderly parents?<br>Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars."
text[number++] = "What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?<br>A flat minor. "
text[number++] = "What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?<br>A flat major. "
text[number++] = "Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio upright?<br>Because it makes a much bigger kaboom when dropped over a cliff. "
text[number++] = "Why was the piano invented?<br>So the musician would have a place to put his beer."
text[number++] = "The audience at a piano recital were appalled when a telephone rang just off stage. Without missing a note the soloist glanced toward the wings and called, \"If that's my agent, tell him I'm working!\" "
text[number++] = "What does a German Hammond organist do in his life's most tender moments?<br>He puts his Leslie on \"slow\"."
text[number++] = "How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?<br>Shoot one. "
text[number++] = "Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, \"Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?\"<br>The other replies, \"That was no piccolo, that was my fife.\" "
text[number++] = "Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?<br>The bassoon burns longer. "
text[number++] = "What is a burning oboe good for?<br>Setting a bassoon on fire. "
text[number++] = "What is the definition of a half step?<br>Two oboes playing in unison. "
text[number++] = "How do you get an oboist to play A flat?<br>Take the batteries out of his electric tuner. "
text[number++] = "Why did the chicken cross the road?<br>To get away from the bassoon recital. "
text[number++] = "How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?<br>Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one. "
text[number++] = "How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it. "
text[number++] = "The soprano, not being smart enough to use birth control, says to her saxophophonist lover, \"Honey, I think you better pull out now.\" He replies, \"Why? Am I sharp?\" "
text[number++] = "Small wonder we have so much trouble with air pollution in the world when so much of it has passed through saxophones. "
text[number++] = "What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?<br>Government bonds eventually mature and earn money. "
text[number++] = "What is the definition of a gentleman?<br>Somebody who knows how to play the accordian, but doesn't. "
text[number++] = "What do you call a trombonist with a pager and a mobile phone?<br>An optimist. "
text[number++] = "How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist?<br>He doesn't know how to use the slide, and he can't swing. "
text[number++] = "What is the dynamic range of the bass trombone?<br>On or off. "
text[number++] = "Did you hear about the French Horn player - every time he kissed his girlfriend goodnight he stuck his hand up her dress"
text[number++] = "What's the least-used sentence in the English language? \"Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?\" "
text[number++] = "What do you say to a banjo player in a three-piece suit? \"Will the defendant please rise?\" "
text[number++] = "What do you call ten accordians at the bottom of the ocean?<br>A good start. "
text[number++] = "Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?<br>To get away from the noise. "
text[number++] = "What happens if you play blues music backwards?<br>Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison. "
text[number++] = "What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?<br>\"I didn't wake up this morning...\" "
text[number++] = "What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?<br>New Age music. "
text[number++] = "Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz?<br>Start with two million. "
text[number++] = "How do you turn a duck into a soul artist? Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers. "
text[number++] = "What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?<br>The bull has the horns in the front and the arsehole in the back. "
text[number++] = "What's the difference between a drummer and a Radox bath?<br>A Radox bath bucks up your feet"
text[number++] = "\"Mummy,\" said the little girl, \"can I get pregnant by anal intercourse?\" \"Of course you can, dear\" her mother replied. \"How do you think record company executives are made?\" "
text[number++] = "How can you tell if there's a drummer at the door? The knocking slows down"
text[number++] = "What's the difference between a Musician and a Dog?<br>Dogs aren't out to all hours trying to fuck Musicians."
text[number++] = "What's the difference between premature ejaculation and a drum solo?<br>Nothing, you know whats coming, and there's nothing you can do about it."
text[number++] = "What's the range of a tuba?<br>About twenty yards, if you have a good arm."
text[number++] = "What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend?<br>Homeless"
text[number++] = "\"Mummy! Mummy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!\"<br>\"Now Johnny, you can't do both!\""
text[number++] = "What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?<br>Most musicians have never been in a Porsche."
text[number++] = "How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?<br>Add vibrato."
text[number++] = "Why do drummers leave their sticks on the dashboard?<br>So they can park in the handicapped zones."
text[number++] = "How are trumpet players like pirates?<br>They're both murder on the high Cs."
text[number++] = "What's the last thing a drummer says before he gets kicked out of a band?<br>\"When do we get to play MY songs?\""
text[number++] = "What's the difference between a dead wombat in the road, and a dead trombonist in the road?<br>There's a chance the wombat was on its way to a gig."
text[number++] = "How can you tell when a singer is at your door?<br>They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in."
text[number++] = "What's the difference between a jazz muso and a large pizza? <br>A large pizza can feed a family of four. "
text[number++] = "A jazz musician got to a gig early and the club owner said, \"You're early! What happened?\"<br>The musician quickly replied, \"I underslept!\""
text[number++] = "Did you hear the one about the Polish jazz musician who went into jazz for the money?"
text[number++] = "Jazz is the most fun you can have with your clothes on. (Herb Pomeroy)"
text[number++] = "Joe Venuti's Christmas present to one armed trumpet player, Wingy Malone: One cuff link"
text[number++] = "The better it gets, the fewer of us know it. (Ray Brown)"
text[number++] = "One night, a front man said to the drummer, \"When the band starts to swing, I want you to play more on the ride cymbal.\" The drummer replied, \"When the band starts to swing, will you please raise your hand?\""
text[number++] = "A female vocalist goes for an audition for a show. When it's her turn, she calls \"I'll Remember April\" in D-flat. \"D-Flat!\" the piano player exclaims. Taken aback, she replies \"Yes, D-flat. Is that too fast?\""
text[number++] = "Rang the Pizza Hut last night and ordered a Crusty Supreme. Half an hour later the doorbell rang, it was Diana Ross..."
text[number++] = "Larry la Prise who wrote the <i>Hokey Pokey</i> has died aged 93. The worst part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the trouble started..."
text[number++] = "Why did the drummer stare at the fruit juice can?<br>Because it said \"concentrate\""
text[number++] = "What does a hard bop musician use for contraception?<br>His personality"
text[number++] = "What has three legs and a dick?<br>A drum stool"
text[number++] = "What do you call a bass player's index finger?<br>His handkerchief"
text[number++] = "What do you call ten thousand lesbians with automatic rifles?<br>Militia Etheridge"
text[number++] = "Why is a concert-promoter like sperm?<br>Each has a one-in-a-million change of being a human being"
text[number++] = "How do you get a record company executive geek out of a tree?<br>Cut the rope"
text[number++] = "Why is there no jazz in Star Trek?<br>Because it's set in the future"

// keep adding items here...

increment = Math.floor(Math.random() * number);

document.write(text[increment]);